Life is a study in courage. At least that is what I have come to decide. It's not the shouting, going into battle against all odds-kind of courage - although that certainly has its place. The kind of courage I'm talking about is the courage that relates to taking care of yourself. Maintaining your personal integrity.
It's not the showy, brassy-type of courage that inspires people into action. It's far more introverted... It's the courage that gets you out of bed in the morning and drives you to keep doing the best that you can. It's the courage of standing up for yourself. It's celebrating small achievements and milestones that might be insignificant to other people, but mean the world to you. The courage of recognizing your strengths and weaknesses.
I find myself at another crossroad in life. I feel perched on the edge of excitement and terror. There are times where I am quite happy and looking forward to what lies ahead - I'm ready to try something new. Then there are instances where I catch myself falling back and listening to the what-ifs...
What if I can't [do this]
What if I don't [do that]
What if I forget [this]
What if [this] doesn't happen
What if [that] does happen
These words are a poisonous rationality - it's easy for them to paralyze me. I have to frequently work to answer these statements with:
It will be okay
You will find what you need
You will work it out
You are a capable woman
You are a good person
And then just reciting the positive and forgetting the negative.
It will be okay. You are loved. Everything will work out. You have friends and family who care about you. You will be fine. You have people who want you to succeed. It will be okay, it will be okay it will be okay....
As I continue to reassure myself that everything will be okay, I have also resolved to make a stronger effort to do things that make me happy - drawing, playing the piano and reading. I haven't had a chance to do those activities for a while and I miss them.
This is me, giving myself permission, to take a break from stress and enjoy something.
Life is always an adventure.
It will be okay.
“I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.” -Louisa May Alcott